Saturday, September 13, 2014

The Medieval Times of The Doctor



STORY 247: ROBOT OF SHERWOOD

This is the third and final Doctor Who script that I read (even though I have the next two stories as well).  Perhaps by now a certain weariness has set in, as Robot of Sherwood read as the dumbest of the three.  No surprise that self-professed 'genius' Mark Gatiss was behind this rollicking romp through Merry Olde England, as his output has becomes more and more embarrassing.  I loved The Unquiet Dead and still hold that The Idiot's Lantern was a solid story.  However, nothing excuses the horror that was Cold War, and as for Robot of Sherwood?

Well, if Gatiss was aiming for parody: parody of the Errol Flynn classic, parody of the Robin Hood myth, parody of Doctor Who, well then, he's achieved the...saddest parody in television, for few things in Robot of Sherwood would have anyone (except the hopelessly rim-happy Nerdist) think this is anything other than junk, plain and simple.  Try as I might, I could not shake the idea that Gatiss simply doesn't care.

Clara Oswald (Jenna Coleman) wants to meet one person: Robin Hood.  Never mind that he isn't real.  The Doctor (Peter Capaldi) insists that Robin Hood never existed, but Clara will not be denied.  To placate her, he whisks her on the TARDIS to the appropriate time, and as soon as they exit, they encounter a laughing man in green tights.  That would be Robin Hood himself (Tom Riley of Da Vinci's Demons fame), who delights in merry thievery, especially against his arch-nemesis, the Sheriff of Nottingham (Ben Miller).  The Doctor, insisting that this personage cannot possibly be THE Robin Hood, continues to look for a solution to who and what he and his gang, whom Clara quickly dubs his "Merry Men", really are.


Ye Olde Town Wench...
However, there is evil afoot.  The Sheriff has been stealing from the poor, but curiously the only thing he's interested in is gold.  He also is taking peasants to work at the Castle, including a young girl who is taken against her will.  Robin, meanwhile, laughing his way through life, knows that an archery contest is all a rouse to trap him, but he goes anyway.  As he is about to claim his Golden Arrow, a new contestant enters the picture.  It's the Doctor, determined to make sense out of a seemingly senseless situation.  Tiring of this nonsense, he uses the sonic to blow up the archery contest, and finds robots disguised as knights. 

NOW we're getting somewhere.  Robin, The Doctor, and Clara are all captured and taken to the dungeon, where the first two banter (even though earlier, the Doctor mentions he hates bantering).  The guard takes 'the leader' (obviously Clara) to the Sheriff, who tells her the whole story.  Strange beings from the stars crashed near him, and mistaking him for a leader, they've built up this castle to repair their ship.  They need gold to repair the engines, which is why he takes gold only.  The Sheriff will use the spacemen to take over the world (making him the Medieval version of Blofeld).

The Doctor and Robin, still chained together, eventually escape and discover the ship.  The Doctor keeps insisting Robin is another robot, but Robin denies this, even after seeing various images of him from the ship's memory banks.  The Robot(s) come in, Clara and Robin escape, the Doctor is captured again.  Robin demands to learn the truth about the Doctor, and then after The Doctor leads a successful revolt against the Robot(s) of Sherwood, Robin, laughing gleefully as ever, comes swinging down to fight the Sheriff.

After the Sheriff's defeat, everyone flees the Castle, which by now has unmasked himself as a spaceship determined to go to "The Promised Land" (wow, now THERE'S a shock).  The ship takes off but the Doctor knows they don't have enough gold to power it off the atmosphere and into space.  If only they could find a source with just enough gold...Wait a minute, what about that Golden Arrow, which the Merry Men so helpfully stole earlier.  Of course.  However, seeing as it is flying off into space, how will the arrow reach the spaceship.  By Bow and Arrow, Of COURSE!  Robin's arm was injured in battle, the Doctor won the archery contest by cheating (putting a homing device on his quills), but together, The Doctor, Clara, and Robin can laughingly launch the arrow into the ship, which gives it enough of a surge of power to push it to outer space...where it promptly explodes. 

The Merry Men cheer some more, the Doctor accepts that Robin Hood is indeed a real, historical figure, and Clara is proven right once again.

Personally, I feel Robot of Sherwood was an embarrassment to all concerned.  I figured that the show was going to be awful as soon as I finished reading the script.  However, even if I hadn't read it but came across it on the screen without the benefit of the script, I think I would have felt Robot of Sherwood would be a sad affair.  I know its defenders will say it was all meant to be a romp, a slight and even purposefully silly spectacle, but there is simply so much wrong with it.

Let's mention a few things that I like to think of as 'points of logic'.

When the Doctor lands the TARDIS, he says there are no pretty castles, no damsels in distress, and no Robin Hood, only to be greeted by an arrow landing at the TARDIS' door and a grinning Robin asking if they were calling for him.   Robin must be more than fifty yards away across a running stream.  The Doctor is not shouting but speaking in a normal tone of voice.  How did Robin Hood hear his name so clearly?

In the end, we find that the young girl we met turned out to be Maid Marion herself (Sabrina Bartlett).  If we go STRICTLY by the legends, Marion was the King's Ward (which is why Prince John didn't dare strike against her, for she had Royal Protection).  What then was she doing with this peasant, and wouldn't the Sheriff recognize her?

Why does Clara so quickly believe Robin Hood and not the Doctor about who or what Robin Hood is?  Furthermore, why would Clara honestly believe Robin Hood to be a real, historical figure when she would have been told repeatedly otherwise?  For a schoolteacher, she is rather dim.

When Robin and the Doctor escape the dungeon, they go seeking a blacksmith to break the chains.  Either they managed to get OUT of the castle, go to a village, find a blacksmith, and go back INTO the castle all unseen and in remarkably fast order, or they found a willing blacksmith INSIDE the castle all while avoiding detection.  How ever did they pull THAT off?

We don't even need to go into the impossibility of the arrow made of gold, a far heavier object than a wooden arrow, flying from their vantage point to the spaceship after being launched from a wooden bow.  The golden arrow would have needed the firing power of a cannon to fly so high so fast, and how would the arrow striking the SIDE of the spaceship increase the gold content WITHIN the engine?

The Merry Men cheer when the ship explodes, but the explosion took place outside the Earth's atmosphere.  The ship was already in outer space when it exploded.  How could the Merry Men have seen the explosion from their vantage point?  This wasn't like the Challenger explosion, which took place within the Earth's atmosphere, but out in space, where it would have required a telescope to witness.

Alan-a-dale (Ian Hallard, who happens to be Gatiss' real-life partner), starts singing a song about this latest Robin Hood triumph.  Besides being a bad song, the last line heard before his lute is taken is, "Robin Hood was in a jam".  Granted, I'm no medieval music scholar, but isn't the phrase, 'in a jam', a bit 20th century? That's as likely as a Victorian singing "Jeepers Creepers, where'd you get those peepers?"

Merry, Merry, Quite Contrary...

While all those little things gnawed at me while watching Robot of Sherwood, even if they had all been addressed or corrected, it wouldn't have made for a better or reasonable episode.  The big problem with Robot of Sherwood is that the characters are not 'real'.  I don't mean 'real' in the historical sense (and while I'm willing to say they MIGHT have been based on real people, this group is as real and historic as King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table or the Baggins family of The Shire), but 'real' as in they might exist even in 'their world'.  What Robot of Sherwood did was not treat the Nottingham gang as actual, living, breathing beings.  Kevin Costner and Russell Crowe's versions of Robin Hood, as bad as they are, at least attempted to take the premise seriously and create a believable world. 

Robot of Sherwood, conversely, was drawing heavily from the 1938 Errol Flynn classic The Adventures of Robin Hood.  Many times the episode played almost like a spoof of the Flynn flick, more Robin Hood: Men in Tights than any attempt to make the IDEA of 'Robin Hood' a real person.  Riley's laughing, merry-making, egotistical Robin was a parody of what people THINK was the Flynn version.  Yes, Errol Flynn laughed heartily in Adventures of Robin Hood, but he was also serious when the scene called for it.  Riley, on the other hand, never appeared to be serious.  Instead, he played it like the popular (and incorrect) idea of what 'Robin Hood' was, all laughing, all the time.  Maybe it was Riley's intention to be so camp and over-the-top. 

Similarly, the Merry Men were equally stereotypical (if mythical figures could be stereotyped).  If Gatiss had wanted to have some real fun, he would have made Friar Tuck a thin fellow, intellectual, spiritual, but it was much easier to make him the jolly fat friar.  Maybe Alan-a-Dale could have been a lovelorn poet, but no, he had to be this singing fool.  As for both Little John and Will Scarlett, why bother having them there if they served no reason for being there at all?

This isn't to say there wasn't at least ONE good performance, though it wasn't in Coleman's Clara (making goo-goo eyes at Robin) or Capaldi's incessantly disbelieving Doctor (though maybe he couldn't believe he was in this nonsense).  It was Miller's evil Sheriff.  At least he got that he was playing EVIL, so he went all Anthony Ainley-as-the-Master mode of camp evil. 

Gatiss' script also has two bits of dialogue that annoyed me to no end.  The first is when the Sheriff talks of taking over 'this sceptered isle'.  What, was William Shakespeare writing Robin Hood ballads too?  That was already bad enough, but when the Sheriff asks, "Who will rid me of this turbulent Doctor?", I'm surprised none of his robot knights ran off to Canterbury Cathedral to try and kill the Archbishop.

Finally, there were other things that just went wrong.  The plot itself was predictable and clich├ęd.  Clara being mistaken for the leader...didn't see that coming (insert sarcasm).  The crowd being 'shocked' at Robin Hood unmasking himself at the archery contest (insert sarcasm).  The embarrassing 'bantering' as Robin and the Doctor do a metaphorical penis-measuring contest (seriously, this was suppose to be the 'dark' Doctor?).  Clara using her feminine wiles to get information from the Sheriff...wow!

As a side note, my personal theory is that the cross-shaped laser beams the Robots use to kill people is Gatiss' subtle dig at Christianity (i.e. Christianity Kills), particularly its opposition to both homosexuality and same-sex marriage.  I have no proof of this, but this is just food for thought.

I don't know how 'dark' a Doctor will be if he has to fight a swordsman with SPOONS (which is especially odd since we've seen in past Classic Who episodes where the Doctor can handle himself with a sword extremely well: The Androids of Tara, which in turn was inspired by The Prisoner of Zenda, a particularly good example).  Then again, that was when Doctor Who took even its most outrageous plots seriously, not appear determined to mock everything around them.  The special effects were shockingly cheap-looking to where I thought they were done at the last minute on someone's laptop.

Robot of Sherwood (given there were more, why the singular?) was not even trying to take this seriously.  Rushed, unoriginal, and downright idiotic, it was a waste of everyone's time. 

"The Doctor and Robin Hood locked up in a cell.  Is this seriously the best that you can do?"  Clara tells this to the Doctor and Robin after ordering them both to shut up.  Somehow, I imagine Ian telling his 'husband' Mark the same thing after reading the script.



I leave you with this little query.  Doctor Who, if I understand it, will eventually explain why the 12th Doctor looks exactly like the character Caecilius in The Fires of Pompeii.  Will Doctor Who similarly explain why one of the Robin Hoods from the spaceship's memory banks looks exactly like the 2nd Doctor? 

I think not, because as far as NuWhovians are concerned, anything that took place pre-Rose (save for the 4th Doctor, or rather his image) never happened.  It is as real to them as Robin Hood is to the rest of us...

1/10

Next Episode: Listen

Saturday, September 6, 2014

The Fantastic Voyage of The Doctor



STORY 246: INTO THE DALEK

"Am I a good man?"

This is what the Doctor (Peter Capaldi) asks his part-time Companion Clara Oswald (Jenna Coleman) in Into the Dalek, to which Clara answers that she doesn't know.  This episode has some great visuals, a strong performance by Capaldi, and at least an interesting premise.  It is unfortunate that in many ways, it evokes other stories, better stories, and that there is a certain repetitiveness to Into the Dalek.  There are also questions of logic which we'll get to in a bit but for now, it is good to see Doctor Who really trying to be darker and grittier.  Note I said 'trying'...

The Doctor rescues Journey Blue (Zawe Ashton), about to be killed by an onslaught of Daleks.  Her brother is already dead, and the Doctor thinks he should be thanked, not criticized.  Journey takes the Doctor to her ship, a medical ship that holds a particular patient: a Dalek!  Not only is this Dalek a patient, but now the crew wants the Doctor as a doctor to enter the Dalek to see why the Dalek is...good.

Meanwhile, back on Earth, Clara meets Danny Pink (Samuel Anderson), a former soldier who has created the Coal Hill Cadets, a bit like a Junior ROTC Program for the same school where over 50 years ago, the very first Doctor Who story began.  (A side note: Coal Hill School may be the ONLY acknowledgment of Classic Who the current show will recognize).  There is a suggestion of a past for our dear Mr. Pink, as he sheds a tear when he is asked by students whether he ever killed someone outside war (which makes me wonder if British schools are more lax about hiring than American schools, but I digress).  It appears that Clara and Pinkie find something more than rapport, though Clara is not particularly fond of soldiers.  Never mind, for the Doctor comes to Clara, still carrying the coffee he went for three weeks ago and takes her to the ship, so he can be his 'carer' (as in, she cares so he doesn't have to).


We now, thanks to a molecular nanoscaler, take the Doctor, Clara, Blue, and a few guards and shrink them to allow them to go "into the Dalek", whom the Doctor nicknames "Rusty" to see what ails him.  As they go into the heart of darkness, they see that Rusty is in a bit of shock, having seen 'beauty' in the form of the birth of a star, and finding that no matter how often the Daleks exterminate, resistance to life is futile.  The Doctor, thanks to his handy-dandy sonic screwdriver, fixes the radiation leak which is causing it to go good, but wouldn't you know it: that repair restores it to being a regular Dalek, evil, determined to kill.  Worse, it allows the Dalek fleet to come storming onto the ship.

The Doctor is angry at himself for believing such a thing as a good Dalek was possible, and Clara is angry that he's about to let them all die.  So angry she slaps him, hard.  However, the Doctor thinks there might be a way out: to unlock Rusty's suppressed memories and perhaps get it to return to seeing the beauty of life.  The Doctor's plan involves linking his mind to that of Rusty's, and let it see the glories of the universe.  However, the Dalek doesn't just see that.  He sees the Doctor's hatred for the Daleks, and from the Doctor Rusty learns that all Daleks must be destroyed.  Rusty then goes after the invading Dalek army and defeats them, in the end Rusty tells the Doctor, "I am not a good Dalek.  You are a good Dalek."  Journey wants to join the Doctor but he rejects her, telling her he doesn't like soldiers.  Clara is popped in to having been gone 30 seconds, and she comes out of the cupboard wearing a new outfit and going off with Danny Pink for drinks.

Is it me, or was Into the Dalek a bit of a hodgepodge of other stories?  I don't mean the most obvious influence on Steven Moffat and Phil Ford's screenplay (incidentally the first time there's been joint screenwriters on NuWho since The Waters of Mars, which was also co-written by Ford, that time with then-producer Russell T Davies): Isaac Asimov's Fantastic Voyage.  I mean other Doctor Who stories.  The imagery of a group of Daleks storming a base reminded me of Resurrection of the Daleks, when the Daleks force their way in.  However, in particular I suggest that Into the Dalek looks a bit like a remake of the Ninth Doctor story Dalek

Beat for beat, it's pretty much a repeat, or at least a rehash, of what we've seen before: the 'dark/angry' Doctor encounters a debilitated Dalek, it has human emotions, once awakened it goes on a murderous rampage, and find that the Doctor and the Daleks are if not moral equivalents at least mirror opposites.  Even in the concluding thoughts they seem to be the same: in Dalek, the title character tells the Doctor, "YOU would have made a good Dalek", in Into the Dalek, the title character tells the Doctor, "YOU are a good Dalek".

I leave it up to you whether or not hitting on the same theme (the Doctor harbors murderous rage equal to his archnemesis) shows a show that is slowly running out of ideas (which in its first twenty-six years, it didn't), but in retrospect I wonder whether going over territory already seen is indicative that Doctor Who is now in danger of repeating itself (knowingly or not). 

I cry just a little...

There are also other elements in Into the Dalek that are signs of concern, that this episode was more about adding to a season-long arc rather than a standalone episode.  In what should have been an extremely tense moment, one of shock and horror and sadness, we get thrown into a jolting reminder that we're stuck with another 'teaser' bit about how the season will end.    Gretchen (Laura Dos Santos), a tough soldier about to be killed by the Dalek's antibodies, suddenly finds herself in a cozy tearoom with Missy (Michelle Gomez, and in a side note, with people surnamed Dos Santos and Gomez, Doctor Who may actually have more Hispanics on British television than most American shows.  When was the last time a Latino popped up in The Big Bang Theory?).  Seeing her cheery/nutty Mary Poppins character asking if she'd like some tea may have struck Moffat as genius, but its only effect on me was to take me out of the scene altogether, robbing me of both pathos and tension.

It also is yet another sad example of a running Moffat motif: his inability to kill characters permanently.  I had speculated about this before, but Into the Dalek is yet more proof that The Moff is hopelessly repetitive and frankly a bad writer (Emmy be damned).   What could have been a great and tragic moment turned into a 'what?' moment.

Same goes for Danny Pink's debut.  Oh, a war veteran haunted by the past...what a concept.  Perhaps Ford and Moffat thought that having two soldiers in these parallel worlds, a girl named Blue and a man named Pink, was sly and witty commentary about gender roles: the tough warrior Blue and the tearful ex-warrior Pink (though my mind puts more blame on the latter).  Something about this set-up rubs me the wrong way.  In the same way Sherlockians go into knots trying to make the Richard Brook/Jim Moriarty scenario sensible as part of some bizarre master-plan, I find myself trying to look deeply into this Girl Blue/Boy Pink business.  I cannot shake the idea that there is something more than meets the eye in this Girl Blue/Boy Pink set-up (or it might be that Moffat is simply so full of crap and devoid of ideas he thought this was all shockingly clever).  However, given that he's an ex-soldier, and the Doctor doesn't like soldiers (except for Security Agent Sara Kingdom in The Daleks Master Plan, or UNIT and especially the Brigadier, who was basically his best friend), will there be difficulties ahead as the Doctor/Clara/Danny triangle begins to set in?

Whattaya think?

Another question/comment: will people ever learn to shoot at a Dalek's eyestalk?  Seriously, after fighting Daleks all this time, why doesn't anyone aim for the eye? 

One last question before we go into what did work in Into the Dalek.  What purpose did Clara serve?  I know it was to be the Doctor's 'conscience', which is all well and good, but why did the Doctor feel the need to pick her for this journey?  Couldn't he have popped in to select any other Companion, like Sarah Jane or Rose Tyler or Nyssa, and have them work with him?  Well, perhaps because at this point Clara is the only one who sees the Doctor when she sees his face, but I never got this part-time Companion business where the Doctor picks up Clara, they go for an adventure, then he drops her off home as if nothing ever happened. 

Eye see you...

Now, as for the things that did work in Into the Dalek.  Capaldi, in his first full story away from his predecessor, does go into a darker version, one that isn't as strict about life.  A soldier finds himself surrounded by the Dalek antibodies, and the Doctor throws him something and tells him to swallow it.  He does, but the antibodies still destroy the soldier.  Everyone is shocked and angry.  When the others condemn him when antibodies kill another soldier, he counters by saying, "He was dead already. I was saving us!"  When he finds that the Dalek has tapped into his dark ideas of the Daleks and his hatred for them, Capaldi makes the shock of the Doctor's plan going awry real and almost tragic.  It looks like Peter Capaldi was indeed a good choice for the role, his coldness and more dare I say ruthless nature being extremely strong.

The script also at least has a token acknowledgement that it is a bit of a rip-off.  When the Doctor sees the molecular nanoscaler, he quips, "Fantastic idea for a movie, terrible idea for a proctologist (emphasis mine)". 

Perhaps I'm grasping at straws, but I hope that Journey Blue will come back and will be a full-time Companion.  It would not only be good to have a Companion from the FUTURE (I know Earth Girls are Easy, but do we always have to have them with the Doctor?) but she seems strong, capable, intelligent, and eager...qualities that most NuWho Companions have been lacking.

I'm talking to YOU, River Song!

Into the Dalek had rated a little higher initially, but then as I thought on it other aspects (the repetitive nature of the story, the Missy cameo) all started to push the story down.  Still, on the whole it was much better than I read, and executed much better than I had hoped. 

And as for the question of whether the Doctor is a good man, Clara is unsure, but at least knows he is trying to be one.  Given how she has seen the Doctors in action, how could she have any doubts?

6/10

Next Episode: Robot of Sherwood

Saturday, August 30, 2014

The Debut of The Doctor




STORY 245 : DEEP BREATH

I must present a confession.  I did not watched the leaked version of Deep Breath, but somehow the first five scripts for Doctor Who's eight season fell into my lap.  The temptation was simply too great, but to my credit I read only three of them: Deep Breath, Into the Dalek, and Robots of Sherwood.  As such, Deep Breath, the first story with Peter Capaldi as the 12th Doctor (or perhaps Doctor 1.2), was already familiar to me.

Reading the script, I pictured that it would be more a Vastra & Company episode than a proper Doctor Who story, and that the comedic aspects Steven Moffat was thrusting upon us would dominate.  As it so happens, Deep Breath sticks close to that, but while there are some solid moments to be found this is, while not the worst debut story, a pretty weak one.

It is Victorian London, an a dinosaur is spotted by Parliament.  It's up to Silurian Madame Vastra (Neve McIntosh), her wife, the human Cockney Jenny Flint (Catrin Stewart), and her manservant the Sontaran Strax (Dan Starkey) to figure out what it's doing here.

Oh, yes, and somehow some guy inside a blue police box is involved, though he's a secondary character in this episode.

That character might be The Doctor (Capaldi), accompanied by his human Companion Clara (Jenna Coleman, long having dropped 'Louise' from her name). Clara is having a hard time accepting this older-looking man as The Doctor, at one point asking the all-wise star of the show (which would be Vastra) how they could change him back to 'her' Doctor.  In any case, the Doctor is having a hard time with his newest regeneration, but when he escapes in his nightshirt to find the dinosaur has apparently spontaneously combusted, he now has a focus.

That focus being to find out what killed the dinosaur, whether there have been other murders like this, and finding some clothes.  Clara, for her part, still upset about the change (no, not THE change in women's life, but the change from pretty Smith to wrinkled old Capaldi) finds an ad which mentions the 'Impossible Girl', leading her to Mancini's Family Restaurant.  Here, she and the Doctor meet, though each thinks the other sent the message.



At Mancini's, the food is always fresh, because to their horror, THEY are the main course.  This restaurant is really a lair to entrap unsuspecting humans so that the Clockwork Mice...I mean, Clockwork Men and Women can harvest their organs.  Their leader, the Half-Faced Man (Peter Ferdinando), wants to reach The Promised Land, but he cannot get there because his ship has been damaged for millennia.  At one point, the Doctor appears to have left Clara, with her only chance of survival being to hold her breath.

Mercifully, the Doctor and the Half-Faced Man battle it out on the latter's balloon made out of human skin, while the Paternoster Gang with special guest star Clara Oswald fight the Clockwork Mice.  The Half-Faced Man meets a sorry end, speared by the tower in Parliament (though whether he fell or was pushed is up for debate).  The Doctor appears to disappear but he does return for Clara, who gets a call from The Doctor (Matt Smith, in a cameo), where he reassures her that the old guy IS the Doctor.  With that, Rose and the Doctor go off for chips in London...I mean, Clara and the Doctor go off for chips in Glasgow.

At the end, though, the Half-Faced Man DOES arrive in Paradise, where Missy (Michelle Gomez), who claims the Doctor is her 'boyfriend', awaits the Half-Faced Man. 

What's good about Deep Breath?  Well, what's good is that it wasn't as disastrous as it read.  A great deal of the credit goes to director Ben Wheatley, who brought a nice look to the episode.  Any episode that makes the normally plain-looking Jenny into quite a beautiful-looking woman deserves some praise.  It wasn't until we caught Jenny 'posing' for Vastra that we saw Jenny with her hair down, and Stewart looks beautiful there.

We also have to compliment Capaldi, who has the potential to be a fantastic Doctor.  I say 'has the potential' because of Matt Smith and Steven Moffat.  Smith grew to be the worst Doctor of All Time: a blithering idiot who rarely commanded respect and authority but instead looked like he was trying to figure out how a door works.  Deep Breath in many ways reads like a Matt Smith-type script, with too many bad comedy moments (hearing a comic sound effect when Vastra manages to render the Doctor unconscious was just idiotic, plain and simple). The fluttery nature of the Doctor was Smith-like, and everything involving the Paternoster Gang (in particular the increasingly irritating Strax) was also Moffat's attempt to throw in what he thinks is comedy (and/or worse, what he think Doctor Who fans want).


Take for example when the Paternoster Gang comes to the rescue (the second time they serve as a form of deus ex machina).  You have what is suppose to be a very dramatic, even exciting moment as these two master assassins descend to the lair by means of cloth wrapped around them.  All well ad good I suppose, but then what could have been an effect moment is ruined by having Strax crash down right behind them.  It's as if Moffat simply can't trust the audience to have a moment that would require drama or action without giving them a 'light, comic' moment.

I hated Vastra's 'carriage alarm' business, which wasn't funny or clever or smart.  I hated the idea of having Strax still not understand the idea of 'clothes' or hitting Clara with the newspaper (though the thing with the water wasn't too bad.  Still dumb, but not dreadful). 

Moffat spends far too much time with the Paternoster Gang in unnecessary things.  The entire scene with Strax examining Clara (and naturally getting things wrong) should have been cut because it added nothing to either character development or plot.  Curiously, while Moffat kept this bit (I figure to justify showing Deep Breath as a film of sorts in theaters), he cut the 'spontaneous combustion' investigation and shifted to the 'restaurant' business. 

I wondered why in all this time the police never bothered to investigate the disappearance that must have been noted by family and friends of those who were last seen either going to or entering Mancini's.  This had been going on for several years, yet am I suppose to believe every person who went into Mancini's had no friends or relations to worry about should they just disappear?  This is a plot point that, like many in Moffat's oeuvre, is conveniently forgotten when needed. 

The focus on the Paternoster Gang is perhaps the biggest detriment to Deep Breath.  Having Jenny declare that she is in love with a lizard (confirming my long-held belief that same-sex bestiality is something that shouldn't be featured on a family show) doesn't help, nor does the idea that VASTRA, all-wise and all-knowing, knows what regeneration is (despite never seeing it herself) but CLARA doesn't.  Clara has, if Doctor Who is to be believed, interacted with ALL the Doctors, and has met Doctors who are much older-looking than Capaldi's version.  In fact, it was CLARA who told the First Doctor which TARDIS to take (even if that does contradict a previous Doctor Who story where the TARDIS said it had chosen the Doctor). 

If anything Clara should be the one to best understand the concept.  In the times a Companion straddled two Doctors, the Companions took quite easily to the idea of change.  Able Seaman Ben Jackson and Polly, who were the first to experience the Doctor's regeneration, struggled a bit but didn't struggle with the concept and quickly saw Patrick Troughton as THE Doctor.  Sarah Jane Smith went from Jon Pertwee to Tom Baker and not once ever thought of wanting the 'old one' back.  When Adric, Tegan Jovanka, and Nyssa saw the Fourth Doctor become the Fifth, they never struggled.  Even Rose, who saw the first NuWho regeneration, immediately accepted the Tenth as the Doctor.

Given all that, why does Clara appear so unaware of what was going on?  It makes her look shallow, and perhaps that was the intent, but it still is not logical.

Then again, since when was Doctor Who interested in things like continuity?



The issue about Smith's cameo is troubling for two reasons.  First, it has the negative effect of treating the audience as weaklings and imbeciles, either unable or unwilling to accept a concept that, after four actors, they should already know and accept by now.  It's a sad commentary that fans apparently need help in coping with a change in cast.  In all the fifty-one years of Doctor Who, neither fans or Companions ever had to be basically hand-held in accepting one actor as The Doctor over the other.  Tennant never barged in on Smith, nor did Tom Baker ever have to pop up to help those Doctor Who fans accept Peter Davison.

Are Doctor Who fans THAT emotionally and intellectually weak?

Second and more insidious to me, Smith's appearance has the effect of stomping over what is suppose to be his successor's first story.  How can you have a real showcase for one actor when you got the guy you replaced to basically pop in and say, 'Hey, remember me?'  This was suppose to be Capaldi's moment, so why does Smith have to rear his big chin into the proceedings?    There was no need to have Smith appear in Deep Breath apart than to placate HIS fans, not Doctor Who fans, not the same thing.

Still, Capaldi's Doctor, though at times relegated to being more Smith-like than anything, manages to show that he can do good things.  When he challenges the Half-Faced Man it does give us hints that perhaps he will be a darker (read, better) version of The Doctor.  It's too soon to say whether Capaldi can be a good Doctor, but so far the hope is still there.  Sadly, the same can't be said for Coleman.  Apart from having something odd about her left eye which kept my attention whenever she was on screen, Clara is still dim, weak, and devoid of real personality. 

As for the Paternoster Gang, I do wish they would all just go.  I'm tired of constantly hearing about how Jenny and Vastra are 'married' (again, WHO would perform the ceremony).  I'm tired of Strax's bumbling (you'd think the 'he's too stupid to figure things out' routine would have died by now). 

Even worse, Deep Breath with Gomez's wild and over-the-top Missy (a mix of River Song and Madame Kovarian), we are going to have to endure more season-long arcs that are a drag on the show.  Rather than a simple series of adventures, we're going to be dragged through more 'Bad Wolf' and 'Cracks in Time' and 'Impossible Girl' stories where every episode seems like one long prequel to nothing.  It's a bit like what a critic wrote about the 1963 Cleopatra: at six hours it might have been a movie, but at its current version its a series of coming attractions for something that will never come.

Finally, Murray Gold has got to be fired.  Plain and simple.  While the new opening sequence was visually impressive, the new theme is too screechy for my taste (almost like hearing a group of cats being tortured) and attempting 'funny' music or 'crying-inducing' music just drowns the story with unnecessary baggage.

Deep Breath has about only one real positive in it, and that is Peter Capaldi, who is better than his material.  In almost every other aspect, from the Vastra & Company spin-off in all but name, to the actual story itself and the 'Missy' subplot that will eventually take center stage, I think we don't have to hold our breath that this season will be a major improvement over last.

Sadly, in this episode, we don't even need the Doctor all that much.  With that, Deep Breath shows just how irrelevant the Doctor has become on Doctor Who.     



4/10

Next Episode: Into the Dalek

Friday, August 22, 2014

Parody Review: The Nerdist on "Deep Breath"


The Following is a Parody of The Nerdist's review for Deep Breath, the new Doctor Who episode premiering on August 23 on BBC America and in selected cinemas at midnight.

TAKE A "DEEP BREATH", WHOVIANS: THE DOCTOR IS BIGGER, BADDER, DARKER, BETTER,
 AND MORE BRILLIANT THAN EVER

By: NOT Kyle Anderson

With Peter Capaldi taking over as the 12th Doctor (give or take a few), Whovians may be fearful that Capaldi and Steven Moffat's darker take on the beloved Time Lord may alienate fans (no pun intended).  Deep Breath, however, makes it obvious that The Moff may be tweaking the franchise, but with some beloved returning characters (who really need their own spin-off) and one of the best Companions of All Time (who comes so close to being among the greats like Rose Tyler and River Song and some old lady called Smith or something back before anyone actually watched the show), the fifty-year old show is as new as when it first premiered.  In fact, Doctor Who now is more exciting, more intelligent, more brilliant than at any time in its half-century.  Past Doctor Who writers like Robert Holmes, Terrance Dicks or Douglas Adams and past producers like Verity Lambert or Philip Hinchcliffe could only look on in envy as Doctor Who writer/showrunner Steven Moffat outdoes them all yet again!

The Moff is Our Hero, Our Leader, This Generation's Greatest Writer, and soon to rank up there with Shakespeare and Dickens, and goes past others like Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (who technically created Sherlock Holmes but could never turn him into the brilliant creation Moffat has) or Dame Agatha Christie (whom nobody remembers, until Moffat comes up with Marple and casts Sienna Miller as the feisty, flirty Jane Marple rather than the old spinster we got stuck with).

The Doctor (Capaldi), still in the throes of regenerational confusion, lands in Victorian London with Clara (Jenna Coleman) the Impossible Girl, who now fears that the Doctor may not be the man she knew all his lives.  His regeneration confuses the brilliant Paternoster Gang: Silurian Madame Vastra (Neve Macintosh), her human wife Jenny Flint (Catrin Stewart), and their manservant, Sontaran Strax (Dan Starkey).  This new figure isn't the Doctor, but Clara is still Clara.  It takes some work to temporarily confuse the inspiration for Sherlock Holmes, but Madam Vastra soon sees that it IS the Doctor (the giant dinosaur in London being her big clue, and this dinosaur outdoes not only Dinosaurs on a Spaceship but a previous little-seen or remembered Doctor Who story called Invasion of the Dinosaurs, which might mercifully be one of those lost stories that perhaps should remain lost). 

So, with the confused Doctor temporarily out of commission, it's up to the beloved Paternoster Gang (along with a very reluctant Clara) to attempt to both help the Doctor through his regeneration crisis and to see about that big dinosaur walking around London.  However, there's evil afoot, as a strange half-faced man is walking around, bringing death in his wake, including to the poor dinosaur (insert tear for that creature).  The Doctor, now looking like a hobo (obviously echoing a not-well-remembered character on the show nicknamed The Cosmic Hobo) and Clara eventually find each other through the Victorian version of Facebook: the newspaper ad.



They meet at a restaurant where they discover to their shock that THEY are the soup of the day.  Soon, they have to face-off against a half-face man.  As this Doctor would say, "Strike the last part".  Fortunately for the Doctor and Clara, in comes the Paternoster Gang to the rescue as they fight off the Half-Faced Man and his Droid Army intent on supplying themselves with new parts.  The Doctor and the Half-Faced Man then go off in the Half-Faced Man's beautiful balloon, where the Half-Faced Man continues talking about going to "the Promised Land".  Despite his best efforts, the Doctor cannot bring the Half-Faced Man to life, but despite crying over a character we never got to know we see that the Doctor now is on a quest.  It's not find Gallifrey (which is still out there, somewhere), but to repair the mistakes of his past.

Clara, despite herself, is still not convinced that the Doctor is HER Doctor, until a familiar voice comes back to guide her to the light.  It's none other than The Eleventh Doctor (Matt Smith himself), temporarily restored from his old age in the brilliant The Time of The Doctor (the greatest, saddest, and most brilliant story in Doctor Who history until Deep Breath took its place, which is natural since The Day of The Doctor had been the most brilliant story in Doctor Who until The Time of The Doctor took its place, and before that The Name of The Doctor had been the greatest Doctor Who story of all time.  In fact, we've had nothing but brilliant stories going all the way back to Rose, and no Who from the pre-Rose days would ever compare to something as brilliant as Love & Monsters or Fear Her). 

Smith's Doctor is there to comfort Clara and to reassure her (and us) that Capaldi IS The Doctor, and with that, we are off on more brilliant adventures.  We even get little bits about how the season is going to go, with the Half-Faced Man truly in Heaven, there to greet him is Missy (who is an instant Doctor Who icon).  Who could she be?  River Song (she did call the Doctor her boyfriend)?  An alternate version of Clara (she IS the Impossible Girl)? 

Oh, we'll just have to wait and see.  Moffat you brilliant dick...




Adding Smith, even if it was only for a brief cameo, is a brilliant send-off for the best Doctor (not counting David Tennant and maybe that old guy whose cameo in The Day of The Doctor excited everyone, because that ex-Doctor is the only one still with us from the original, though inferior, version of Doctor Who. He's a bit like that old Smith woman: the only pre-Rose Companion any of us actually remember, albeit vaguely).  It gives us a heart-touching final farewell to someone who will become as important to childhood as Winnie-the-Pooh or Peter Pan.  Just hearing Smith's voice gives us Whovians who have loved Smith's eternal child-like Doctor a chance to cry one more time.  Seeing him just got to me emotionally, and I know all true Whovians shed tears at seeing that face (and chin) one last time, a grand moment that will be remembered for all time.  Moffat really knows how to hit us emotionally while still making us laugh at the same time.  It may not be Smith coming back in full form (which might upset some Whovians) but Moffat in his genius gives us the viewer comfort that things will be OK, like the Good Shepherd of Doctor Who that the Moff is. 

There are so many inside jokes that zing by us so quickly you'd need a second watch to catch them all (even though all real Whovians will watch this again and again rather than the stodgy old stories like The Aztecs or Tomb of the Cybermen).  "You know I speak Dinosaur!" Capaldi's Doctor bellows at one point.  Who DOESN'T remember the genius of Smith's Doctor "talking Horse"?  Vastra's "Well then, here we go again," echoes to the late-and-much-missed Brigadier's line where we got Tom Baker (the only Classic Who Doctor that any of us know, remember, or care about). 


This is also a good time to look on Madame Vastra and Jenny Flint, perhaps the greatest secondary characters Doctor Who has ever created (apart from Captain Jack, of course).  These two show without a doubt that Steven Moffat is not a sexist or homophobe.  Far from it.  He's given us the greatest female characters in television history.  There's River Song.  There's Irene Adler from Sherlock.  Now, he's given us a kick-ass same-sex interspecies love story with two females who not only can take care of themselves but care about each other.  Vastra and Jenny are more than the John Watson and Sherlock Holmes of Doctor Who (and who are neck-and-neck with the brilliant take on those characters on another Moffat show with the always brilliant Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman).  They are the embodiment of all the best of Moffat's writing about women.

They are strong.  They are unafraid of their sexuality.  They are intelligent.  They are what all little girls aspire to be.  Fangirls need look no further for heroes than Vastra and Jenny, and soon they will be called the Cumberbatch and Freeman of Doctor Who.  They might also have their own show, which Deep Breath could serve as an excellent pilot for.  Imagine the possibilities: while the Doctor is off somewhere, the Paternoster Gang is out there, solving crimes and deep mysteries with Strax providing much-needed comic relief.  The Doctor could drop in on them once in a while, and who knows: maybe one day they'll be a massive Vastra/Doctor Who/Sherlock crossover.

Oh, my fanboy heart leaps at seeing Macintosh, Capaldi, and Cumberbatch in one gigantic epic episode of three shows!  Think of it: The Doctor takes Madame Vastra and Jenny to 21st-Century London, where our favorite same-sex bestiality couple meet their spiritual (if not physical) descendants, and together the Victorian Holmes and Watson meet their Internet-age counterparts and join forces to defeat the newly-resurrected Jim Moriarty (or his twin...my own theory) while Strax continues to bumble and stumble his way around poor Molly and Inspector Lestrade's workspace, attempting to figure out this even crazier world.

If Moffat disliked women so much as his jealous, bitter, dumb enemies keep saying, why would he give these television icons the power of ESP?



Dan Starkey's Strax continues to make the Sontarans the joke their creator, Robert Holmes, always intended them to be.  Ever since they debuted in The Sontaran Strategem (at least their official debut, their unofficial one being a little-remembered Third Doctor story called The Time Warrior), which I should point out was written by a WOMAN (thus forever closing the book on that whole 'Moffat is a sexist' nonsense that smears the good name of our Dear Leader), the Sontarans were always suppose to be silly.  Robert Holmes could never get the Sontarans to be as dumb as he wanted them to, probably because he didn't have the writing skills of The Moff.  However, thanks to Moffat, Holmes' great dream of making his allegedly war-obsessed aliens into the comic relief has come true. 

Starkey's Strax continues to be the lovable dimwit he was created to be (just like Smith's Doctor was suppose to be dimwitted as per a fan letter in Doctor Who Magazine).  It is amazing that despite all these years working for Madame Vastra and her human wife, he still doesn't get the concepts of clothes and hair, but who cares: The Paternoster Gang is BACK!  We even get a quick shout-out to the Paternoster Irregulars.  Seriously, Conan Doyle obviously stole from The Moff, because only Steven Moffat in his brilliance could have come up with something so clever, so funny, so heartwarming, so heartbreaking, and so epic all in one feature-length long story. 

There might be a few things that perhaps may confuse some of the lesser intellects who can't comprehend Moffat's intricately complex plot, like who sent the newspaper message that the Doctor and Clara happened to find knowing that the other would not only find it but think it came from the other. However, because Moffat's plots are always so brilliant and always tie in together brilliantly in the end, all those questions will be answered in the season finale because the always brilliant Moffat will connect everything into this massively epic story that will be studied for its incredibly tight storytelling. 

We get little nods to that thanks to a reference to Clara's first adventure with 'her' Doctor, The Bells of Saint John, when we're reminded of the tech helpline telling Clara to call a certain number.  We might have forgotten about that mystery, but the genius of Moffat's genius so ingeniously ties things from past stories to present stories and to future stories in that wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey way that only someone of Steven Moffat's genius could. 

Mark my words: once we discover who Missy is (my theory: a character from The Doctor's past, like something called a "Romana" or some other vague character whom we never really learned anything about during her brief time on Doctor Who), we Whovians will not only realize how brilliant Steven Moffat is, but see that he gave us clues that everybody missed!  It will be so obvious only those nitpickers who complain about things like coherence will grumble. 

Next week, the Doctor and Clara face off against his greatest foe, but with a brilliant twist that only The Moff can give us. 

THE Kyle Anderson:
As Objective and Impartial as
MSNBC and FOX News.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

The Diversity Program of The Doctor


NO, NO, NO!
 

There has been a push since at least the 1980s to make The Doctor in Doctor Who a woman.  More recently the push has been to cast a non-white actor, primarily but not exclusively a black actor. 

I would like to share my views on the casting possibilities of both a female and non-white Doctor.

In regards to the first, I oppose the casting of a woman as The Doctor.  I am sure that accusations of 'sexism' will be hurled in my direction.  WHY can't the Doctor be a woman?

Well, primarily because if we go by Canon, Time Lords and/or Gallifreyans (they are not the same thing) are not hermaphrodites.  Plain and simple, Time Lords have two genders: male and female.   They don't have dual genders within one body.  Time Lords when they have regenerated (such as The Master or Borusa, and I imagine both Romana and The Rani) have always regenerated as the gender they were prior to their regeneration.  For those who argue 'why can't the Doctor be a woman?', I would ask, "Why SHOULD the Doctor be a woman?"

Yes, in The Doctor's Wife the Eleventh Doctor says that a Time Lord called The Corsair had regenerated as both male and female.  However, two points on that.  That may not be literally true: it might have been either a joke or, to quote NuWhovians favorite line, "The Doctor Lies".   Second and more important, we never saw this actual regeneration, so can we say that it actually counts?

I know that today, this concept of 'cisgender' exists.  For those not in the know, to be 'cisgender' is to believe that you are the gender you were born into (if you were born male, you believe you are male, and the same for female).  Given the breath of sexual identification that has blossomed to the point of parody (I think one can be bigender, meaning that one can see themselves as both male and female, maybe even at the same time, depending on how he/she feels), I can see how calls to make a hereto male character into a female have grown.  However, this isn't a reason to cast a woman in a male role.

Casting against type isn't new.  The most recent version of The Tempest had Dame Helen Mirren play a female Prospero (which I didn't care for).  However, on the whole certain parts are male and certain parts are female, and to say that one gender cannot be excluded despite the intentions of the author(s) is not sexism. 

Why stop with The Doctor? Why can't a man play Eliza Dolittle and a man Henry (or Henrietta) Higgins (which would make Higgins' song Why Can't A Woman Be More Like A Man? very bizarre indeed), or a woman play Don Quixote?  I don't hear calls for a soprano to take on The Impossible Dream or a boy to belt out Castle on a Cloud.  Why not cast the part of Cossette as a boy?  Simply put, because this was not the intention of either Victor Hugo or Claude-Michel Schonberg and Alain Boublil.  Similarly, as much as women may dislike this, the part of The Doctor was written for a man, not a woman. 

What really would be the point of a female Doctor?  Is it to show that 'all are created equal'?  Is it to somehow avenge sexism/misogyny (and yes, Doctor Who is in certain ways, still struggling to be equal with regards to women all these decades later).  What could justify casting a woman as The Doctor apart from a sense of 'fairness'? 

There is nothing in Canon (apart from one throwaway line) to justify or even rationalize casting a woman as The Doctor.  Some Time Lords are men, some Time Lords are women, just like in real life.  As much as I loath Steven Moffat, in this situation it is a case of a broken clock being right twice a day.  While he is sexist both behind the camera (there has been no female writer on Doctor Who since he took over and only one or two female directors) and what he puts in front of it (his female characters, particularly River Song, are fixated on the Doctor sexually or in some other ways dependent on him), he is right: casting a female Doctor would be as logical as casting a man as The Queen. 

If people want to fight sexism on Doctor Who, they should put focus on the lack of female input behind the camera (which is where the real female problem on Who lies) rather on a token of having a Doctor with a vagina. 

One last point on the idea of a female Doctor.  What would having a bigender Doctor really mean?  Imagine if you will, a female Time Lord who regenerates while giving birth into a male Time Lord.  Would the child be born at all (since, despite all the cis/bigender people, men still cannot give birth)?  Yes, it might seem all so silly to think on such minutiae, and I would say that that scenario is a bit absurd, but having a female Doctor (or Time Lords that can switch genders) opens the floodgates to these questions. 

In a nutshell, having a female Doctor is illogical and serves no purpose apart from having women feel 'included', in a 'it's our turn' way.  I don't think it would be right or rational to have a Queen Lear or Wilma Loman (Death of a Salesperson, anyone?).  I support fairness and equal treatment, I abhor the lack of female writers/director on television in general, but fairness cannot trump logic.



Now, on the other hand, the question of a non-white Doctor is one that merits much more study.  I find no reason why the Doctor cannot regenerate into a non-white male.  I repeat 'non-white' because unlike those who call for a black Doctor, I think the search should be expanded.  Why not an Indian Doctor, an Arab Doctor, a Jewish Doctor, an Asian Doctor, a Hispanic Doctor?

There is nothing in Canon to prevent the Doctor regenerating into another race altogether.  I do support casting a non-white Doctor BUT there is a proviso with that. 

Again, what would be the purpose of a non-white Doctor?  Is it again merely to satisfy a sense of 'fairness', of 'it's our turn', or is it because that particular non-white actor is the best one around?  If one is going to cast a black actor as The Doctor MERELY to HAVE a black Doctor, that would be tokenism and that would be unfair to everyone involved: actor and fan.  It should be the quality of an actor's talent, what he can bring to the role, that should be the deciding factor.  If one found a good non-white actor to play the part, then he should be cast. 

She'd put the "Lady" in "Time Lady"...

I for one think that casting Lupita Nyong'o or Shohreh Aghdashloo as the new Romana would be a brilliant idea (note that I cast women, not men, in the role of Romana).  Both have the elegance, the grace, and most importantly the acting talent to bring Romana to life.  We'd all be lucky to have them (or other British actresses of Indian, Arab, or Asian descent) as the legendary Time Lord.  Similarly, to have an Idris Elba or David Oyelowo as The Doctor would be great because they have the actual acting talent and could bring something to the role.

Each actor cast as The Doctor has brought a different interpretation to the part.  Tom Baker referred to the part of The Doctor as 'actor-proof', meaning that any actor with talent can make the part his own (Matt Smith proving the glaring exception).  I see no reason why a non-white actor could not do the same.

However, if casting a non-white actor is done in some effort to 'level the playing field', then I think again it would be unfair to everyone.  I'm Hispanic, and I never felt that I couldn't admire The Doctor because he didn't have a face like mine.  It's THE DOCTOR who is a hero to children of all races, and they (as well as the audience) really doesn't care what his skin is like, so long as he can BE The Doctor.

I don't think that can happen with a woman as The Doctor.  In that respect, a female Doctor really goes against continuity and common sense.  I repeat: Time Lords Are Not Hermaphrodites or Bigender, which is what you would turn The Doctor into if you cast a woman in the role. 


To sum up, I fully support the casting of a non-white male as The Doctor.
I oppose the casting of a woman as The Doctor.

It's not a question of 'fairness'.  It's a question of logic. 

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Doctor Days and Continuity Questions Always Bring Me Down



This is the third in my Day of The Doctor trilogy.  The first covered my impressions of the fanbase that watched TDOTD screening.  The second is the formal review of the episode.  This one is a question session, where I ask things of you, who may be smarter than me, to help me figure things out I did not quite get about the episode.

As I rewatched DOTD, I could not help notice some things that struck me as a bit peculiar, almost odd (or Ood, if you prefer).  With tongue slightly in cheek, I thought it would be nice to ask some questions and point out some things that to me, didn't make sense or contradicted both Classic and NuWho (and perhaps, even contradicted DOTD itself).  I hope that this 'investigation' is taken with the humor it is intended to have, and that any questions about plot holes or continuity errors or other such matters can be answered by readers. 
I realize this is a very long article (unnecessarily so, perhaps).  To skip over important points, check out the selections in green.

I think a good title for this story should be The Two and a Half Doctors.  What do you think?


Moffat, if you are willing,
take this cup from me...

We start with The Name of the Doctor, where Eleven remembers the figure before him in his time-stream as one of his other selves (of which we the viewer know nothing about).  Before fainting, Clara however, doesn't recognize him even though she's been popping in and out of his time-stream and seeing his other selves.  How could she not realize that John Hurt wasn't the Doctor?  Who else would be running around the Doctor's time-stream?

In The Night of The Doctor, we see Paul McGann's Eight Doctor for the first time since his one-off television movie.  Night of The Doctor, if accepted as Canon (which I don't, Canon to me being only what is broadcast on television, not webisodes or audio adventures, though I won't belabor the point), contradicts the NuWhovian idea that The Name/Day/Time of The Doctor is a trilogy based on the titles. NOTD has the same title structure as Name/Day/Time, (Blank of The Doctor) so how does a trilogy have four parts?

The Eight Doctor says he was not and hasn't been part of the Time War.  Does this mean that fighting was optional?  Also, for someone who hasn't been fighting in the Time War, Eight is 'looking a bit tired, don't you think'?

The Sisters of Karn tell Eight that he was found dead.  How does the Sisterhood manage to bring back the dead (unless we have yet another example of Moffat's 'dead-but-not-dead' writing style)?

The Day of the Doctor begins with Clara as a teacher at Coal Hill School, where the very first Doctor Who story An Unearthly Child begins.  We ended the last episode of Doctor WhoThe Name of The Doctor, inside the Doctor's time-stream in his tomb on Trenzalore.  How did both Eleven and Clara manage to leave the time-stream and get back to Earth?  Or is this taking place within his time-stream?  Is this all just a dream?  Where did Madam Vastra/Jenny/Strax go?  How did they end up back to Victorian-era London?  The Doctor must have dropped them off, but again, how did Eleven and Clara get out of the time-stream and Trenzalore altogether?


The sign at the school reads that the Chairman of the school's governing board is a certain I. Chesterton.  If it is THE Ian Chesterton who served as the First Doctor's first Companion (along with fellow teacher Barbara Wright and the Doctor's granddaughter Susan Foreman), should he really be working at his age?  The most generous estimation of Ian's age when he began would be around mid-30s, so that would mean he's somewhere between 83-85 if indeed it is the same Sir Ian.  If we go by William Russell's actual age, Ian Chesterton is still tottering around at 89!

Is it odd that while Clara is working at the same school the Doctor's granddaughter Susan was when they came to Twentieth Century Earth and where his first Companion Ian is still tottering about, the Doctor apparently a.) never tells Clara about Ian or b.) never bothers to visit or even look in on Ian when both are in proximity to each other?  The Doctor's a bit of a dick!

Clara started out as a nanny (in contemporary and Victorian times...so much for that 'Moffat is a sexist pig' nonsense).  Now she is a teacher?  How did she get hired?  What are her credentials?  Did she use psychic papers to verify certification? 

Has the TARDIS lost its ability to dematerialize?  The Doctor never starts or even bother to attempt to release the TARDIS from the helicopter's clutches.  In fact, the Doctor looks genuinely confused as to how he is managing to fly.  I'll grant the Eleven is by far the most stupid of all the Doctors, but would he not even attempt dematerialization in order to escape this bizarre abduction?

No, Osgood, I wasn't talking
about NHS Doctors....

Why does Kate Stewart's phone have the ringtone of a parking brake?
Why does Osgood have Kate Stewart's phone at all?

Is Osgood calling Kate Stewart "Ma'am" or "Mom"?

The spotting of the TARDIS must have been completely by chance, given that the helicopter was not aware anyone was inside.  Therefore, how long would it have taken to send a helicopter to pick the TARDIS up?  Did some random person just call up and say, "Hey, I was driving down an empty road and happened to notice an old police box just standing by the side of the road?"

"We had no idea you were still in there," Kate tells Eleven.  Why weren't they aware? Why weren't any UNIT agents monitoring the TARDIS prior to it being picked up to see if anyone came around to it?  If they were, they would have known that at least Clara was inside and thus putting her at great risk.  UNIT didn't bother informing Kate of this, even though it is more than likely that the helicopter would have spotted a lone motorbike speeding into the TARDIS (since the area around was flat).   Yet the TARDIS must have been under some form of observation since, after all, it would have taken time to get the helicopter, get authorization from Kate, and fly the helicopter to the TARDIS' location. 

Eleven nearly falls out of TARDIS, so I guess it doesn't have some protective force field.  In The Beast Below Amy is able to float in deep space and breathe without difficulty, and in The Time of Angels River Song was able to float to the TARDIS from another spaceship altogether.  Still, the Doctor is left hanging on for dear life.  (OK, on this one, he probably has to set the mechanism for it, but why wouldn't the Doctor just take the phone call inside the TARDIS rather than hang precariously on the ledge).

Clara is kind of a bitch by just standing there, admiring the view rather than help the Doctor who is clearly inches from falling to his death. 

***I was the only person who cheered in The Day of The Doctor screening when John Hurt's name appeared.  Not a continuity error/plot hole, but just a mention nonetheless***.

New Meaning to 'Degenerate Art'...

The Protocols came from Queen Elizabeth I, so I guess Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II doesn't have to be informed of anything really.

We are shown Elizabeth I's credentials: a painting called either Gallifrey Falls or No MoreGallifrey Falls/No More came to Her Majesty exactly...how?  Who painted it? When was it painted?  When did it become part of Her Majesty's collection?  Why is THIS Gloriana's credentials?  She's the Bloody Queen...why does she need to prove anything to him?  Hasn't the Doctor ever heard the phrase "royal command performance"?

Why would one of the titles be No More?  The graffiti the "War Doctor" (or as I call him, Doctor 8.5) put up wouldn't have been visible in a painting that large, so where did that particular title come from?

"Elizabeth told us where to find it and its significance" (Kate Stewart).  So Liz I knows about Time War?  Why would she have knowledge about that? 

The Fall of Arcadia (Gallifrey's second-largest city) is very Star Wars-like visually, isn't it? 

The Daleks stop killing in battle that they are winning because the Doctor is detected?  No wonder they keep losing!

The TARDIS bursts through a solid wall rather than dematerialize?  I didn't know the TARDIS was now a battering ram.



After the Doctor steals The Moment, the last unused weapon of the Omega arsenal, he takes it to an undisclosed location (probably where they hid Dick Cheney).  Where exactly is Doctor 8.5?  In a hereto unknown Gallifreyan desert? 

The Doctor steals a Doomsday Device he doesn't know how to operate?  How would he know it wouldn't just kill him by mistake?

Doctor 8.5 is in the middle of an isolated desert where anyone coming would be visible for miles around, so why does he think someone could sneak up on him without him noticing?

The Moment's conscience (aka Bad Wolf) is right: why DID the Doctor park the TARDIS so far away?  Why take that long desert walk, dragging the Doomsday Device with him when the TARDIS could have easily landed him inside this hut hidden deep within some isolated desert?

**Just a side note.  Sorry, Billie Piper, but you were hideous in The Day of the Doctor.  You gave a bad performance and were shockingly unattractive.  If it's any comfort, I would say exactly the same about David Tennant**.

Why is the Interface Conscience in the shape of Rose?  Doctor 8.5 wouldn't know what Rose Tyler looks like or frankly care.  If the Conscience knows all about all the Doctors past present future, how did she get the form the War Doctor would recognize wrong?

The War Doctor has been fighting this war for a very long time, yet he's apparently never been injured because he hasn't regenerated since the events of The Night of The Doctor (the second part of a four-part trilogy).

Bad Wolf/The Moment Conscience, to prevent the War Doctor from using the Doomsday Device, resorts to using the Gallifreyan version of this...


Bad Wolf opens windows in time and knows all about the Doctors past/present/future, but is unaware of the fez or Eleven's fez fetish.

Back to the National Portrait Gallery in London.  Why is Gallifrey Falls/No More proof Elizabeth I is writing to Doctor?  Wouldn't the age of paper and Her Majesty's seal be enough to prove it was from Good Queen Bess? 

Given how in The Shakespeare Code, Elizabeth I referred to The Doctor as "my mortal enemy", it is surprising that in Gloriana's wrath and rage she never once decided to destroy anything connected with her 'husband'.  How fickle is woman...

Her Majesty names The Doctor (or rather, the Tenth Doctor) as Curator of The Undergallery.  Undergallery of What?  She can't be referring to the National Portrait Gallery, as that was founded in 1856, a mere 253 years after Elizabeth I's death. 

All those years with UNIT as their Scientific Advisor and never once did UNIT inform the Doctor of either the Undergallery or that he was the Undertaker to Gallery!

"Should any disturbance occur within (the Undergallery's) walls, it is my wish that you be summoned," (Elizabeth I).  The guy can travel through all time and space--how exactly will UNIT or any non-Time Lord 'summon' him?  Bat-Signal?  The Time Lords have the ability to recall their errant renegade, but how will UNIT do so?  Come to think of it, how will Elizabethans, Georgians, Regency-Era, Victorians, or Second Elizabethans be able to 'summon' the Doctor?  Torchwood wasn't formed until the Victorian Age, and UNIT wasn't created until the 1960s, so how would anyone prior to those 'summon' the Doctor?  Also, how could one compel the Doctor to accept such a summons if he didn't want to go?

McGillop receives a call from the future.  First use of timey-wimey to get out of things.



The Tenth Doctor MUST have posed for this portrait, but when? Where would he have sat for this? Why would he pose for this portrait in the first place?  Portraits, even now, take days to make, and it isn't like the Elizabethan Court wouldn't notice some strange figure at Her Majesty's side.

It is England, 1562.  Elizabeth I would have been 29 years old and Gloriana would have been on the throne for a mere four years, with the security of her throne still on shaky ground.

Given her lifelong passion for Robert Dudley, Earl of Leicester, it is strange that she accepted the Doctor's proposal so quickly.  Also, Elizabeth I would drag out marriage negotiations for years and would be very hesitant to take action on many fronts, so her whirlwind romance with Ten is completely out of character for Good Queen Bess.

"You nearly took my head off.  It's normally me who does that."  In reality, Elizabeth wasn't fond of executions and was quite moderate of them (especially compared to her half-sister Queen Mary I).  In fact, she agonized over the execution of Mary, Queen of Scots and was always troubled by that act of regicide.

"I have wars to plan".  Again, Elizabeth I was a reluctant warrior, fighting only when there were no other alternative.  She was by no means a belligerent in matters of war.

What's that?  I'm NOT King?!
The Doctor said I WAS!

"I'm going to be King".  So says Ten upon learning that Elizabeth I has accepted his marriage proposal.  I don't think that's how monarchical succession occurs.  Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha didn't become King when he married Queen Victoria.  In fact, Parliament, the public, and even Vicky herself didn't think Albert should take much of a role in government affairs at first.  When HRH the Duke of Edinburgh (formerly Prince Philip of Greece and/or Lieutenant Philip Mountbatten) married Heiress Presumptive Princess Elizabeth, he didn't become King Phillip upon her Ascension to the Throne as Queen Elizabeth II.  At the most, The Doctor would have become a Prince Consort (though again I leave that question up to constitutional scholars).  Therefore, where'd he get the idea that he was going to be King of Anything?

.

The Undergallery is where Elizabeth I "kept all art deemed too dangerous for public consumption."  Given that the idea of 'public art' did not exist in Elizabethan times this is quite forward-looking for the Monarch.  Art was held in private collections of aristocracy and wealthy merchants, with the only 'public art' being that found in churches.  Given the Dissolution of the Monasteries during the reign of her father Henry VIII it is curious that Elizabeth would have thought art would be seen by the common man.  Furthermore, how would Elizabeth go about collecting said 'dangerous art'.  Where would this 'dangerous art' come from?  How would she find it? 

The Doctor's Con-Fez-Sions

Among the articles in the Undergallery is a fez.  Why is a fez considered 'dangerous art'?  Furthermore, that fez is remarkably well-preserved given that the fez is only 451 years old.

When the time fissure appears in the Undergallery, Eleven has vague memories of it, but not of saving Gallifrey itself.  The Doctor has quite a selective memory.

In the Undergallery Kate Stewart says that nothing's out of place and nothing's got out.  Didn't she just tell us that 'figures' got out of the paintings?

Wouldn't Eleven remember his interactions with Elizabeth I?  Given the timeframe Day of the Doctor must take place prior to Shakespeare Code.

Exactly how many time fissures are there?  Eleven throws fez that goes to 8.5 but again his memory of all this is a bit sketchy.

Oddly, while the Tenth Doctor quickly realizes the guy with the big chin and fez is a future version of himself, Doctor 8.5 doesn't and mistakes both of them for Companions. 

Curiously, the fez apparently can travel in one direction, but fez and 8.5 can travel in both.  HOWEVER, when opportunity comes to escape when fissure between Elizabethan and Elizabethan eras occur, no one thinks of going through it to escape Good Queen Bess' guards.

Lo, how the mighty have fallen...

In Undergallery the Zygon Osgood knows of her prettier sister, but exactly how does she come upon this information?  The Zygon doesn't actually touch Osgood.  Getting ahead of myself, while the Zygon Osgood knew the thoughts of Osgood, the Zygon Elizabeth I didn't know about the knife Liz kept for her protection.

The Black Archive is located in the Tower of London.  Given that the Three Doctors who are there 451 years earlier carved the Activation Code of the Vortex Manipulator, how was it that no one in over four and a half centuries ever came across this mysterious writing?  Furthermore, isn't it strange that no one in 451 years found the Activation Code scratched on the walls but that in less than an hour McGillop's Zygon clone managed to find it.

Kate Stewart says that everyone has their memory wiped when leaving the Black Archive.  Kate therefore must be the exception, otherwise how would she know both about the memory wiping and what the Black Archive was?  There HAS to be someone/something that would allow someone with their memory wiped to be able to enter B.A., right? 

Among the Black Archive photos is one of Kamelion, a Fifth Doctor Companion.  Kamelion appeared in two stories, the first during King John's reign, the second on another planet altogether.  How exactly Kamelion came to the attention of UNIT remains unknown given he never worked for UNIT, existed before even Elizabeth I's reign, and never came back to Earth. 

The Vortex Manipulator was bequeathed by Captain Jack Harkness, so he knew of Black Archive and thus, didn't have his memory swiped?



Clara was given the Activation Code to the Vortex Manipulator and nothing else.  Therefore, how did Clara find the exact time and place where the Two and a Half Doctors are?  She's never used the Vortex Manipulator and at most she knows only the year (1562) and location (the Tower of London).  She doesn't know either the exact location of the Doctors or the date, so how does she manage to use the Vortex Manipulator and find the Doctors with the greatest of ease?

Back on Gallifrey, the children are burning.  You'd think Gallifreyans would have sent their children to safety during Time War.  The British sent their kids away from the bombing, but somehow the Gallifreyans never thought to do the same.  Therefore, Time Lords are dumber than the British.

The Eleventh Doctor tells Ten "Spoilers" (one of River Song's many catchphrases) when Ten asks Doctor where he was going.  However, why would Ten react so angrily to "Spoilers" when he probably would have heard this line just once since Ten's first meeting with River was her last meeting with him?

"It's the same screwdriver", says Bad Wolf to explain how doing calculations would be going on after 8.5 started them.  Is this the same screwdriver that was destroyed in the Tenth Doctor story Smith & Jones and the Eleventh Doctor story The Eleventh Hour? Obviously it cannot be the same screwdriver (and DOTD establishes 'same software, different hardware', paralleling 'different faces, same Doctor), but unless the calculations weren't uploaded unto the TARDIS how would the calculations keep going on devices that had been destroyed (and this isn't counting the Fifth Doctor story The Visitation, where the sonic was destroyed). 

Why is the door to their prison unlocked or no guards at the door?  Elizabeth says to see how Doctors got out of this, so does this mean Liz just let Clara wander around?


When Osgood comes across Kate Stewart, she calls out, "Kate!  Goodness you're not actually dead."  Therefore we find that Osgood is not Kate Stewart's daughter, otherwise why call her "Kate" at this point?

How did Zygons get a hold of both Stasis Cube and Time Lord art?  Why is Elizabeth not just wiping out Zygons rather than allow them to invade her realm?  Why not mention all this when Liz appoints Doctor as Undertaker?  Why doesn't Elizabeth just allow the Zygons to enter the paintings and then destroy them rather than keep them around even though she knows of their insane invasion plans?

So the Zygons themselves can't tell the difference between the copies and the humans, otherwise they would know Elizabeth was NOT a Zygon.

Is the Doctor a bigamist?  He's married to Queen Elizabeth I and married to River Song, but is it at the same time? 

When War, Ten, and Eleven all enter the TARDIS, the TARDIS console changes twice. 8.5 comments that "Three of us from different time zones.  It's trying to compensate."  Oddly enough, when the Second and Third Doctors in The Three Doctors and when the First and Fifth Doctors in The Five Doctors shared the same TARDIS console, there was no 'compensation' in the TARDIS structure.

Even by Black Archive standards, wouldn't the Guard at B.A. be puzzled as to how there are now TWO Kate Stewarts and Company?  Do the memory wipes work THAT fast?  If they do, why isn't Kate Stewart's memory swiped?

Next to the Brigadier's picture on the board who is next to him?  It looks like either Nyssa or Peri, but it can't be either because the former is a Traken who was left on Terminus (and visited Earth only three times, and only once in what can be called 'contemporary times').  Peri was last seen living as Queen to King Yrcanos in Mindwarp, so when did she or Nyssa get interviewed by UNIT?

Since Doctors 8.5, 10, and 11 don't have Gallifrey Falls/No More in front of them, how'd they get into the painting?

If the humans and Zygons don't know who is who, how do they set terms for negotiating?

Companions All...

Among the photos Clara admires of past Companions we have a bevy of beauties.  Let's examine some:

Susan Foreman: the Doctor's Granddaughter.  She was last seen in The Dalek Invasion of Earth, living on a Dalek-ravaged Earth in the far future with her husband.  As a Time Lord herself (she was the only Companion to immediately recognize Gallifrey in The Five Doctors, and was the figure running off with the First Doctor in The Name of the Doctor),  it is unknown whether she too perished in the Time War.  However, given she left the Doctor before UNIT's formation, how would they know of Susan?

Possibly thanks to two other Companions, schoolteachers Ian Chesterton and Barbara Wright.  Given how Ian and Clara are known to UNIT, it is strange that UNIT wouldn't mind having TWO Companions work in the same vicinity. However, Ian and Barbara left the Doctor again prior to UNIT's creation.

Two more figures are Able Seaman Ben Jackson and Swinging Sixties girl Polly.  Doctor Who established that Ben Jackson and Polly (nicknamed "Duchess" by the Cockney sailor) were returned to Earth by the Second Doctor on the same day they left with the First Doctor.  For all intents and purposes, neither Ben Jackson or Polly really 'disappeared' (compared to Rose Tyler, who went missing for a whole year).  Therefore, why and how would UNIT (which once again wasn't created until AFTER Ben and Polly left the Doctor) know of either of them?  

The biggest question involves the last photo.  It has a picture of Captain Mike Yates and Security Officer Sara Kingdom apparently together.  Captain Yates would be known to UNIT, as he worked for UNIT and the Third Doctor.  HOWEVER, while it is good that Sara Kingdom has firmly been established as a Companion (a point of fierce debate within Whovian circles), she was with the First Doctor in one story only (The Daleks' Master Plan) and technically was both not born and already dead by this time.  Therefore, a.) when did Sara Kingdom and Mike Yates meet, and b.) how did UNIT know about Sara Kingdom (let alone managed to get a photograph of her and Captain Yates together)? 

"You know the sound the TARDIS makes?  That wheezing, groaning?" Bad Wolf Rose tells 8.5.  You mean this sound...


You mean, people derive hope from the sound of a parking brake?

What happens when people hear the parking brakes of the TARDISes of The Master, or The Rani, or The War Chief, or even The Meddling Monk...all of whom apparently 'leave the parking brakes on'?

The Time War is time-locked, so while I can accept that perhaps Bad Wolf could let them in, one wonders why she didn't just take them to the start of the Time War and stop all this nonsense before we got started.  I guess certain 'fixed points in time' are 'time-locked'...unless the plot requires them not to be. 

Given how Doctor 8.5 left his TARDIS far from the hut in the desert, how'd he get back?  I guess Bad Wolf spirited him away back to the time-locked Last Day of the Time War, but if she could do that without either the time fissures or Gallifrey Falls/No More, it does seem a waste to go through all those hoops, then doesn't it? 

Ten hears the name "Bad Wolf" but then the matter gets dropped immediately afterwards.  Eleven has no reaction to it.

Not being overtly familiar with the events of The End of Time, how does sealing Gallifrey up in stasis affect the Tenth Doctor's stopping of the High Council from bringing Gallifrey to Earth's atmosphere?

The Two and a Half Doctors come up with a plan to freeze all of Gallifrey, like in a painting, to save it and have the Daleks (who really never seem to ever die out: anyone know how many times they themselves have been 'exterminated') destroy themselves.  Is it me, or is freezing Gallifrey (and the CHILDREN!  Won't someone PLEASE think of THE CHILDREN?!) just as bad as letting them burn, unless they mean like when one plays 'Freeze' and they are basically 'frozen' in an instant rather than literally frozen, so I can let that slide.


So how did Doctors 8.5, 10, and/or 11 contact the First Eight Doctors, plus Nine and Twelfth to have them all coordinate this Master Plan to save Gallifrey?  Did they cross their own time-streams to reach out to The First Doctor and tell him, "OK, here's the deal: Gallifrey is about to be destroyed, so we, the Future Yous, are here to tell you to start calculating the figures to save Gallifrey from total destruction.  Also, you have to keep the calculations going throughout all your regenerations and even though they won't be finished in your First regeneration, or your Second, or Third...or really they won't be finished until your Twelfth and Final regeneration, we'll give you the exact time and place to meet all of your versions to lock in together and coordinate all our TARDI simultaneously."

Wouldn't the Ninth Doctor, cantankerous as ever and still overwhelmed with guilt, be a little dubious to see his future selves (A Dandy and a Clown) tell him this tale?  Wouldn't Twelfth, for whom this is long in his past, know that Gallifrey is still out there? 

With Peter Capaldi's Doctor being declared the Thirteenth, wouldn't that basically invalidate The Time of The Doctor where Eleven declared himself the Thirteenth and Final Regeneration? With this calculation, the so-called War Doctor really is the Ninth, which pushes Christopher Eccleston's Ninth Doctor to the Tenth, Tennant to Eleven, Smith to Twelve, and Capaldi to Thirteenth and Final regeneration.  However, in TOTD Smith declares that Tennant's abortive regeneration was indeed an actual regeneration where he could keep his prior appearance (which must have come as a surprise to all previous Doctors when/if they were told).  If Tennant is TWO regenerations, shouldn't there have been TWO Tennant Doctors flying about in space? 

Curiously, the Zygons in The Day of The Doctor pretty much disappeared after they went into the Black Archive.  It does seem a bit of a waste to not use the Memory Swipes to defeat the Zygons, but we never do learn the end results of their negotiations, do we?

Oddly, while Gallifrey Falls/No More is still in the Undergallery, it doesn't make much sense now does it?  After all, Gallifrey is frozen, so then how did Arcadia fall?  I also wonder exactly how Gallifrey Falls/No More get to Earth?

So we won't remember this either?
"Time streams are out of sync.  You can't retain it." The Tenth and Eleventh Doctors tell the War Doctor that, so their time-streams are too confused for him or his future regeneration until Eleven to remember anything of their meeting (up to and including saving Gallifrey).  Oddly, when the Second and Third Doctors met for the second time in The Five Doctors, they had perfect recall of their last meeting in The Three Doctors.  Shouldn't the 'confused time-streams' have prevented them from remembering their prior meeting as well?

The War Doctor's regeneration is unique in Doctor Who history in that it is the only regeneration NOT caused by either imminent death or Time Lord interference (as was the case with the Second and Sixth Doctors).  It just sort of...happens.  There is also no guarantee that The War Doctor will regenerate into what had been previously known as the Ninth Doctor (back when it was thought McGann had regenerated into Eccleston).  Yes, there is a suggestion that Hurt will turn into Eccleston (the ears comment) but on the whole, given we've already been introduced to a hereto unknown version of the Doctor, what's to guarantee there really weren't more between Hurt and Eccleston?

In The Name of The Doctor, the Doctor arrives in his tomb on Trenzalore (which Eleven tells Ten about, which is OK since he won't remember it), but in Time of the Doctor the Doctor doesn't actually die.  On the contrary, he gets a whole new set of regenerations thanks to Time Lord pixie dust.   Therefore, doesn't TOTD already contradict both NOTD and DOTD?


Elizabeth I had appointed The Doctor as Undertaker of the Gallery...I mean, Curator of the Undergallery.  Clara heard all this earlier.  However, she now tells him that the Curator is looking for Eleven.  IF this Curator is an older version of the Doctor (more than likely the Fourth Doctor, maybe the Watcher), then really what is a Time Lord's retirement plan?

**As a side note, I think this is less about honoring the past and present by having the Fourth and Eleventh Doctor meet and more to coddle Tom Baker's ego and possessiveness towards the part of the Doctor.  Baker had turned down flat a request to appear in The Five Doctors and agreed to appear in the 30th Anniversary Dimensions in Time (part of the Children in Need special) with the proviso that he be featured alone and not share scenes with former Doctors or Companions.  Baker's appearance in The Day of the Doctor is unique in that he is the only Classic Who Doctor to have any role in the 50th Anniversary Special, even if technically he isn't playing the Fourth Doctor.  His appearance does beg the question, if they could squeeze in Tom Baker for a cameo, what was to prevent Peter Davison, Colin Baker, or Sylvester McCoy from doing likewise?  Only reason I can think of is that it would have irritated/infuriated Tom Baker, who in the Twentieth Anniversary events similarly refused to share the stage with his predecessors/successors.  Time has softened Baker somewhat, but apparently not enough.  Then again, this is just speculation on my part.** 

With all the Doctors joining for a brief scene, it does look nice, but again it's puzzling why they just stood around together, looking at what appeared to be Gallifrey.

I'm with Stupid.

Well, there it is: a jolly jaunt through The Day of The Doctor, which is being hailed as one of if not the Greatest Doctor Who story of All Time.  Having seen the story twice, I think it is not a 50th Anniversary Special.  It's not even an 8th Anniversary Special.  It is a celebration of Steven Moffat's vision of Doctor Who, a celebration of Matt Smith's Era and David Tennant's fandom. 

I gave it a grade of 3/10 and in retrospect, that might be too high. 

Again, all this was a bit tongue-in-cheek, but if people can be nice enough to give explanations to certain points without being mean or abusive, I'd appreciate it very much.

All I ask is that explanations not resort to 'timey-wimey'...

 
And in case anyone was wondering, I think I'm not the only one who picked up on a few things...